My career in ministry started as a 22-year-old parish youth ministry coordinator in Northern California. Fresh out of college, single, and passionate about serving young people through the Church, I loved every minute of that work. In many ways, that season shaped me into the leader I am today.
Youth ministry remains my deep passion, even as my role has evolved over the years through working with adults, equipping leaders, working in fundraising, and serving on the board of a national Catholic organization.
Here I am, 25 years later. Even though I am no longer in a formal youth ministry role at a parish or diocese, I am still actively doing youth ministry.
Why? Because I’m a dad. I have a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a fourth grader, and in many ways, I feel like my true youth ministry is just beginning.
And I don’t just mean to my own children—though that is certainly happening, too.
My primary ministry to young people today happens outside the institutional parish setting. It happens with my kids’ friends.
One of the best parts of raising older kids is watching them get involved in school and extracurricular activities: band, theatre, dance, and music.
I’ve fully embraced being the stereotypical “Band Dad”—or theatre dad, or dance dad, depending on the season! I attend competitions and performances, and I take my mini van and fill it with equipment to transport to these events. Or, even better, I fill my van with teenagers who need rides to and from these events.
I know these kids by name. I know their parents. And just as importantly, they know me as a trusted adult who genuinely cares about them.
When I attend an event, I make a point to connect with as many teens as possible. I ask about school, college visits, siblings, family vacations, or their latest interests. Thankfully, my daughter isn’t embarrassed by this at all; she knows it’s just me being me. (I think she secretly appreciates it, even if she won’t admit it to my face!)
During football games or long band competitions, the parents end up sitting together, chatting about life. We coordinate rides, invite each other over for dinner, and host pool parties for our kids and their friends. It’s a genuine community. It is ministry. And it is happening right outside the parish walls.
My day-to-day focus has shifted. Yes, I still volunteer at my parish leading Confirmation and parent formation, and I continue to teach and train Church leaders through Santa Clara University.
At the same time, I minister as my kids navigate everyday life. My ministry is now to their circle of friends—building relationships, earning trust, and showing up consistently. I love every bit of it.
As I grow older—and, hopefully, a little wiser—I am discovering just how impactful this form of youth ministry really is. Sure, it doesn’t look like formal sacramental preparation or a traditional Sunday youth group, but young people learn immensely from the caring adults who are present in their lives. I take that privilege very seriously.
Question: As Church leaders, how can we help parents discover that they have a prime opportunity to minister right at home through the everyday lives of their own kids?
