A lot has been made in recent years (and decades) about how important the role of parents is in passing on the faith to children. In fact, the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops in their document, Our Hearts Were Burning Within Us (1999), plainly state that adults need to be at the center of all parish faith formation efforts. The actual quote is this: “[Adult Faith Formation] ought to be the ‘organizing principle, which gives coherence to the various catechetical programs offered by a particular Church’” (paragraph 41).
That’s not to say that we eliminate our children’s and youth ministry. However, the Bishops do make the argument that effective children and youth ministries are made even more effective when adults in their parish community model an active life of discipleship and worship (paragraph 40).
This is made even more apparent in the Church’s teaching that parents are the primary educators of the faith, a point stated so often that it’s become cliche. So cliche that you and I roll our eyes when we hear it. (I know you’re rolling your eyes right now.)
Pastoral leaders like myself say this statement, and we may actually believe it, but what are we doing about it?
The Church doubles down on this idea as it talks about the “domestic church.” I translate that to mean that the home is church, too. It is very evident that we experience God in the context of our most intimate relationships. Our most intimate relationships always start in the home
If home is church, too, then we can easily surmise that the parish is not just the Church, but is a Church of churches. On Sunday’s, all of our little domestic churches come together as one large community to celebrate and worship together as we are nourished through word and sacrament.
The question becomes this: if parents are the primary educators of the faith AND home is church, too, then how can pastoral leaders train and equip parents to be the “pastor” of their home?
This is one of the main questions I will be delving into with my students at Santa Clara University’s Graduate Program in Pastoral Ministries this spring quarter, as I lead graduate students through a class on “Family, Relationships, and Ministry.”
The ultimate goal is for us pastoral leaders to treat parents as partners, not the enemy. This requires a shift in our attitude towards parents, as well as our practices.
If adults (i.e. parents) are meant to be the “organizing principle” of our faith formation efforts, then what does that mean for our ministry to children and youth? How do we engage families and equip parents to be the “pastors” of their domestic church
I offer one place to begin today: make getting to know parents (not kids) your priority. Allow your volunteer catechists to connect with kids as they help form them in faith. As a pastoral leader, your focus needs to be on parents. What does this mean?
Here are a couple practical ideas:
- Make one phone call and email a week to a parent. No agenda. Just connect with them and ask them how you and your parish can better support them. That’s it. Keep it simple. Say hello. And make it a weekly task that you do. Over the course of the year, you will have connected with at least 52 parents. That’s huge!
- Offer a parent orientation for your program. Every year. But instead of just going over program details, use it as a formation opportunity and provide snacks, prayer, and community building opportunities. Towards the end of the orientation, ask them the same question I mentioned above: how can the parish better support them in their role as parent?
- Be outside to greet parents as your programs begin: Just be present. The more present you are in the lives of families, the more parents will come to trust you as someone who has the best interest of their families in mind. That belief goes a long way in helping parents engage in the life of the church.
There is obviously more that we can do to build a parish culture of supporting the “domestic church,” but this is a great place to begin. Always start small. Change comes through small, intentional shifts, not through big, strategic initiatives.
What can you do today to support the parents in your ministry?
