In one of my classes recently, a student described some of the ways she and her parish tried to engage parents and families in faith formation, including providing them with resources to use at home. The parish was completely on board with reconsidering its faith formation efforts and working to connect with parents—taking seriously the Church’s call that the “church of the home,” the Domestic Church, needs to be a priority.
They worked on this for over a year, and my student shared that they received a similar response from many parents during that time: they simply didn’t have the time to do these activities on top of everything else going on in their family lives.
So, this parish gave up and went back to the status quo of working solely with children and youth.
This is a common refrain I hear from pastoral leaders. They tried to engage parents and failed, followed by a list of reasons why it didn’t work.
While we were discussing this topic in class, I asked my students what they think parents ought to do at home. They gave some typical answers that we often hear: take-home resources, Advent or Lenten activities, and so on.
They shared really good ideas—things that could certainly work depending on the family. But after I asked my students what parents ought to do, I then asked a different question:
What are parents willing to do?
That is a very different question to ask. As leaders in the Church, we know what parents ought to do. However, many parents are not ready or willing to do those activities. Instead of getting frustrated and giving up, we simply need to change our approach.
We must look deeply at the families we serve and do an honest assessment of what is realistic. This means we have to start simply. And we must not judge parents based on where we think they should be. They are not there, and that’s okay. They are on a journey, and we need to accept that they have a different starting point. We also need to accept that God can work through any situation or reality, and put our faith in that.
This is why it is important to hold listening sessions with parents on a regular basis—perhaps once a year, if not more—to build relationships with them and learn more about their current reality.
The more we understand where our parents are coming from, the better we will understand how to serve them. As leaders, it is our job to adjust our strategies and tactics to meet the needs of those we serve, rather than expecting them to reach up to our level of expectation.
So, I ask again:
What are parents willing to do?
