Being born and raised in California, and now living in Las Vegas, I take for granted what it means to live and work in a multicultural community. This was especially true growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area and having lived in Los Angeles for many years. I was used to doing parish ministry with lots of diverse ethnic groups. It was simply the norm.
But just because we all occupied the same space together didn’t mean that we were a harmonious, intercultural community.
When raising kids, there is a term that is often discussed called “parallel play.” This is when two children—say, a brother and sister—are in the same room together, perhaps even sitting on the floor next to each other, each playing with their own toys, but not interacting. They are right next to each other, both playing, but entirely separate. In toddlers, this is quite normal.
Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens in many parishes. The different cultural communities are in the same space, engaged in similar activities (like Mass), but they don’t regularly interact.
Many parishes have their own version of parallel play going on.
This is not what it means to be an intercultural parish. We may be a culturally diverse parish, but we are not intercultural.
Let me start by saying this is normal and okay. We all start here, and it makes sense. Human beings are hard-wired to gather and relate to people who are similar to us. Just take a look at your closest friends and you’ll likely find that you have a lot of similarities, which may include ethnicity, educational attainment, career type, age, and even socio-economic status.
So, first of all, let go of any guilt you might feel on this topic. It’s not helpful.
Secondly, it also needs to be our goal to learn about people who are different from us. The parish is the perfect place for that, because we already have our faith in common. The universal nature of the Church makes the parish the ideal gathering space to get to know and truly “love our neighbors,” no matter how different they are.
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) gives us the perfect language for this in their document, Best Practices for Shared Parishes. They use the image of a three-legged stool to illustrate what cultural competence relies on:
- Knowledge (cognitive): Understanding cultural facts, history, and communication styles.
- Skills (behavioral): Adapting your communication, body language, and leadership style to fit the context.
- Attitudes (affective): Openness, humility, flexibility, and a willingness to be transformed.
As pastoral leaders, we must first look at these “three legs” within ourselves before we can address the organizational structures that need to change as we work to become a truly intercultural parish.
Question: Is there “parallel play” happening in your parish when it comes to culture? What does it look like in your context?
